"You were amazing tonight! That was a really hard practice... I did puke, after all," she says, smiling to me. I smiled back, and I thanked her.
"I really pushed myself tonight," I reply. It was true. I did, and for a really good reason.
It was my first practice after finding out I didn't make the travel team. I joined roller derby in August, and had just barely passed assessments for rotten meat a mere 4 days before tryouts started. So, what did I do after I found out I didn't make it? I hit the ground running.
Getting the email with my results from tryouts was one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever read. It wasn't so much as not making the team, but fear of the unknown. What would practice be like from now on? Do I get to still do all the drills? Do I get to scrimmage? Will my teammates and friends shun me for not making it?
None of this happened. My first practice after tryouts was at our new practice space in Franklin. (I took two practices off to shed my not-making-the-team attitude I knew I was copping so I wouldn't be total douchebag to my teammates.) It was still endurance month, and Shatterly was running practice, so I knew it was going to be hard. There were only 8 of us there that night for whatever reason. It was me and the big kids. I skated the hardest I've ever skated in my life that night. I'm still included in every drill, and my teammates are really proud of me for how far I've come. This feeling is the most amazing feeling in the world. I've never had this sense of companionship before. It's more than just playing the sport. It's also about having 20 people who will always have your back. It's about being yourself and knowing your friends love you. It's about getting to be a part of something bigger than yourself.
Giving up or quitting was never an option for me. I've never been a quitter. I've taken the easy way out a few times in my life, but this was no one of those situations. I was NOT going to give up, or let this get the best of me. In fact, just the opposite occurred. I found myself pushing harder. Giving more. Asking what I needed to do differently. Being more aggressive. Staying on my feet. Watching bouts online. Reading and memorizing rules. Keeping my head in the game.
It's quite possible that not making the team was the best thing to happen to me in my derby career thus far. I'm not sure I would've worked this hard to be a better skater and team player had I made the team to begin with. A few weeks ago at practice, a few teammates were telling me how far I've come in such a short period of time, and how their level of respect for me grew immensely and they thought I was that much "awesomer" for not giving up and giving it my all. It's so important to always communicate to each other because words of encouragement like that can truly give someone the extra oomph they need to succeed. My heart was so full that day and I felt so proud of myself.
As Jon Bon Jovi said, "Success is falling nine times and getting up ten." I believe in this more than anything right now. We have tryouts again soon, and in two months, be ready to see me on the track, because I will do everything I can to make sure I'm at the top of my game.
I believe in redefining my impossible. We have two choices: give up or fight like hell.
I came to win.
No comments:
Post a Comment