Never Give Up by Lisa Bianco

I wrote this piece after I had a tough practice. I was frustrated with my performance and almost
wanted to give up. The walls seemed to close in around me and for a moment I felt lost...

* **

My drummer plays on. Her cadence pounding in my ears, thumping beats per minute
faster than the posted limits allow, more than my vessel heart can handle. A narrow
voice whispers, softly carried in the wind,”Give up Lisa...Give up.”

Reality slams into my mind, smashing my dream like state into shards, pulling me back
to the present. I'm now in the Ward, stranded in the middle of the gymnasium, skaters
circling around with their wheels gripping the wooden floor sounding more like a violent
stampede of horses than the ubiquitous “click-clack-whoosh” The herd passes by me
humming swiftly, creating a false breeze.

I hear my derby sister speak to me but the tone sounds off key; the words a vernacular
I do not understand. I rapidly blink attempting to comprehend the scenery. Tears gather
around my hazel eyes, alluding to an escape from where rational thoughts reside. They
take off running down my flushed cheeks, attack dog pride at their heels.

I rise to my feet my quads shuddering beneath me. My mind commands the muscles to
move but my skates betray me; I question their loyalty. I falter forward willing a gentle
glide out into a barren hallway. I pile myself in front of my worn duffel bag. I sit. I cry. I
beat myself up until I can no longer fathom being me. I question my actions. I silently
scream and allow frustration to shift gears.

Suddenly light invades my dark hallway emptying the ebony, replacing the lackluster
with hope. Verbs trickle through the stagnant air allowing consonants to take their place.
Words from and shape with eloquence that sends calming tones throughout my being.

My fogged vision clears and I am surrounded by teammates speaking words of truth
and encouragement filling my hollowed chest. My enemy self waxes and wanes but
becomes more tangible, allowing control.

My drummer plays on, her cadence melodic. Racing beats per minute reassure
determination. My vessel heart will grow stronger, spinning time into unbreakable
strands of confidence. Weaving only the finest silks to encompass my passion and
those in my life that I love dearly.

A booming voice bellows, carried in the wind, “Never give up Lisa, never give up.

***

Without the support of my team I would be lost. Derby has opened so many things in
me, the inspiration doesn't seem to have an end. I am truly grateful for all of you in my
life. Thank you for encouraging me to be me.